The Shiny Object Syndrome

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Following my relationship revelation last week not surprisingly I’ve been doing a lot of thinking! As I wrote in a previous post I had a chat with Susanne Jorgensen of The Singles Gym about what I wanted out of a relationship.  This afternoon I was listening to a recording of a webinar she did last week and a lot of things fell into place.

As I said at the end of my last post I am extremely grateful to Bill for putting up that photo as it reminded me what it felt like to love and be loved.  It has helped me move forward and given me more clarity about what I want out of a relationship.  Susanne talked in her webinar about getting your own life the way you want it when you are single and then you can attract someone who will fit in with that.

I was only 17 when I met Richard, the attraction was instant.  As we got to know each other we were very similar in terms of our interests and our backgrounds.  When I met my ex-husband it was definitely a case of the ‘shiny object syndrome’ as well as being on the rebound.  He had appeared to live a glamorous life with lots of travel and I wanted some of that. I was only 19 and back then it was still mainly the husband that was the breadwinner so I never thought about going after it for myself! What I also wanted was a dependable, loving husband who was there for me.  The reality was very different – he was working away or long shifts a lot which put a strain on an already difficult relationship.  He wanted a wife who was a career type and I wanted to be a stay-at-home mum and he always resented the fact that I wasn’t bringing in much money when the kids were little.  Looking back a recipe for disaster; we both wanted completely different things.  I knew a few months before our wedding that I shouldn’t marry him but I was only 22 and not really in tune with my intuition back then.  Well not that I wasn’t in tune with it I hadn’t learnt to trust it.  His career always came before me and the family, he is an engineer and very good at his job but on the autistic spectrum when it comes to inter-personal relationships!  So sad really that he didn’t know the difference between sex and affection.

I am so grateful that I can now learn from my experience and move forward with clarity.

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